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Bullion Grey

The Grail

Today I
almost died

Just minutes ago, that is to reference a time, a time that now only exist in memory, I (me, my person) was at a referenced space and time minutes ago almost as great certainty, not to infer any ambiguous meaning, certainty with sound, logic (to not be in speculation) convinced truth, was almost smashed, flattened, destroyed, brought to a gory death by a red light running, speeding (going faster than the speed limit), careless, meaning without concern for negative consequences of another, MTA bus number 30. This event took place in the following sequence….

Moments before this event I was at a lifeguard station, on the beach, on sand, yards from the road called Pacific, praying with and for a homeless man who had set up his camp under the lifeguard’s station. He was drunk and I felt his suffering with such a certainty, to mean an exactness that supersedes all experiences of certainty, to say an exact point of the middle of misery and reminiscent of hopeless desperation, a black hole without boundaries, dark, eerie, and with complete lossness (if the word like this does exist), I had just gave him a few quarters and dimes, may be some nickels, as I only had silver coins in my pocket at the time. I did not count the sum, just hefted some from my pocket a moderate handful and asked him with respect and with honor if I might give this change to him. He paused then smiled and said “thank you“.

Just before parting from him and wishing him “via con dios“, he asked me my name. I told him and he said “I recognize you! You gave me some money before!”. I was surprised, yet doubted that to be true, but he insisted sometime back I had done the same thing for him, (prayed and then share change with him). I smiled and as I walked away going toward quite possibly to my death, I asked him his name, to which he said “Joshua”.

I stood waiting for the red light at the crosswalk on Pacific, which, where I was, crosses the road named Ocean, about to walk east, when the bus number 30, sped by me, in front of me, as I stepped on to the pavement, very quickly, running the red light, as I commenced walking when my light turned green, and was so close to hit me, I felt the air wafting by, off the side of the bus to my nose. Stunned, frozen in disbelief, stopped and saved myself from great harm.

the bus quickly disappeared into the distance, within seconds to the vanishing point down Ocean. And I shattered from my souls of my feet, to my soul of my heart, knowing that I had just glanced, sheared, so close with death. the next block was a liquor store of which I walked in and bought a bag of M&Ms and a Diet Coke. I was still shaking from the ferocity of death’s silent silhouette.


Strangely, it seems most of the time we are only able to mentally, (sometimes physically), see what we are prepared to see, or want to see. Its like when you cant find the salt shaker and your companiom sees it for you.
This goes for spiritual sight as well. If we are not expecting to see the "good" in a person spiritually, we will miss it.

Bullion Grey Dimes on the Beach

Laying in a field, naked, late at night, Robin Williams tells a story through the thoughts of his character Parry:

Here’s the story of the Grail myth, and although there are several variations, my favorite begins with the fisher king… as a young boy… who had to spend a night alone in the forest to prove his courage… and during that night he is visited by a sacred vision.

Out of the fire appears the holy Grail, God’s highest symbol of Divine Grace. And a voice says to the boy “You shall be the guardian of the Grail, that it may heal the hearts of men”…… but the boy was overcome…. innocent and foolish he was blinded by greater visions of life ahead filled with beauty and glory, hope and power…. tears filled his eyes as he senses his own invincibility….a boy with tears of naïve wonder and inspiration.

And in this state of radical amazement…. he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but like God. So he reached into the fire to take the Grail. And the Grail vanishes, the boy’s hands are left caught in the flames…. leaving him wounded and ashamed at what his recklessness had lost.

When he became king he was determined to reclaim his destiny and find the Grail…. but with each year that passed with each campaign he fought, the Grail remained lost and his wound he suffered in the fire grew worse…. he became a bitter man.

Life to him lost its reason. With each disappointment, with each betrayal with each loss, his wound would grow…. soon the land began to spoil from neglect and his people starved…. until finally became lost all faith, even in God’s existence and in man’s value…. He lost his ability to love or to be loved and he was so sick with experience that he started to die.

As the years went on his bravest nights would search for the Grail that would heal their king and make them the most respected and valued man and the land, but to no avail. Pretty soon finding the Grail became a ruthless struggle between ambitious men vying for the King’s power which only confirmed the Kings worst suspicions of man causing his wound to grow. His only hope he thought was death.

Then one day a fool was brought to the king….to cheer him. He was a simpleminded man, not particularly skilled, or admired…. he tells the king some jokes….sings him some songs…. but the King feels even worse.

finally the fool says “What is it that hurts you so much? How can I help?”.

The King says “I need a sip of water to cool my throat.” So the fool takes a cup from the bedstand, fills it with water and hands it to the king. Suddenly the King feels a lot better.

When he looks to his hands he sees that it was the holy Grail the fool has handed him. An ordinary cup that had been bedside his bed all along….and the king asks “How can this be? …..how could you find what all my knights and wisest men could not find?” and the fool answers “I don’t know, I only knew you were thirsty.” For the first time since he was a boy, the King felt more than a man - not because he was touched by God’s glory… but rather because he was touched by the compassion of a fool.

From the script of the film: The Fisher King