I realized I was the sum of all that I thought, felt, heard from others, was my derived self. It made me see my limits as the human being I am experiencing.
It was a revelation that I had become what my "world" had made me think, as consciousness of another human, and just that. Such a revelation I know it isn't for everyone, but for my inner-explorations it was a natural conclusion to emerge. To explore the inner-self is to quest in the outer-world, as I thought one day. The inner-self as vast as it is, has certain
self perscribed limits that most never question, never wonder -
why this inner-self has stopped here at this line?
It is like when we reach what we refer to as our "conclusion" of a thing or issue. A conclusion is not really and conclusion but where we stopped thinking about a thing or issue. We can never reach and conclusion about anything. It is like trying to learn all there is to know about any subject - its impossible. We can never know all there is to know about anything, as knowledge is ever expanding, expodentially growing.
So here I was, a self defined, other defined entity. With unexplored demensions and depths, unknown answers without questions to even ask, so as to get those unanswered questions. It was a landmark thought when I arrived here. It seemed to me that mystery of who we are as human beings was being with held from us, as if we were subjects to a massive, greater power that seldom revealed It's Self except through creative expressions, like plants, animals, people.
Now it has been an unending journey to the limits of what I can really know about myself. Further it has been surprising at each limitation of consciousness I encounter inside, that the distant horizon seemed even farther away from me. I have on occassion attempted to venture past the known to the unknown inside, and have always come back with more mystery than answer.
A few things I have brought back:
= a sense I am not a single existence, but a multitude of perhaps One.
= a vision that there is more to explore.
= Imagination and realization of the massive faculty it really is.
= a longing to pursue more, digging, a spiritual feeling, the further I get.
= dozens of notes, and mind-storms as a result of all mentioned above.
It has been clear to me now, that it is an illusion that my derived self is a package of mine and other's contributions. They still do make themselves known, but I now know it, I, we, go far deeper as if an inner Space, Galactic limitless that doesn't float within, but that we float within. For any who attempt this inner-self quest I will congradulate now. We are unknown
partners that will perhaps one day arrive at the same place and know each other as if we have always been friends.